A Handy Toddler-to-English Dictionary of Commonly-Used Phrases

14 Apr

Likely pondering how she can score a second madeline cookie. “Daddy!”

Communicating with toddlers is special. They alternately speak with incredible frankness — “THE POOP IS COMING OUT!” — and enigma — “Noodles!” (You like them? You don’t like them? There are some in your shoe?) This is partly because they’re still in the process of acquiring language, and partly because they just can’t be bothered when there’s a puddle that needs jumping in rightthisverysecond. (They are also crafty as hell.)

So Priss & Vinegar has compiled a mini Toddler-to-English dictionary of commonly-used kid phrases. The next time you run into a toddler native, you’ll be two steps ahead of them. (Metaphorically, that is. Get ahead of a toddler and they’ll run into oncoming traffic.)

  • “I don’t want to take a nap!” = I really, really, REALLY need a fucking nap. See also: “I’m not tired!”
  • “I need to go to the doctor.” = I feel gross and really need to go to the doctor. Also, There is absolutely nothing wrong with me but some one-on-one attention and bubble gum-flavored medicine sound delightful, thankyouverymuch.
  • “I want a snack.” = I’d rather eat processed cheese crackers than any meal you lovingly prepare for me. Fire up the garbage disposal because that’s the only place this Weelicious grilled salmon is going to be digested.
  • “I want Daddy!” = Daddy would never co-sign on this time-out. Monster. See also: “I want Mommy!”
  • “I wanted the GREEN sippy cup!” = I am in control. Just get used to it, people.
  • “I want that!” = Unless you stop me, I’m going to touch that in 3…2…
  • “No!” = Whatever you’re trying to get me to do right now is going to take approximately twelve minutes longer than you’d planned for.
  • “Please.” = I want this toy/cookie/screen time so badly I’m even willing to be nice about it.
  • “This food is spicy!” = I’ve decided I don’t want to eat this and “spicy” seems to be the only word that gets you to back the heck off. Enough with the kale, already.
  • “This shirt is itchy!” = I really wanted to wear that other shirt, you know, the one I wore yesterday? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S IN THE LAUNDRY?
  • “Two more minutes?” = Two more hours?





{Weekend Inspiration} A Lazy Backyard Family Picnic

11 Apr

perfect easy picnicWeekends with kids can, uh, tend to feel less like a break than just another day when you will wake at dawn and inevitably get barfed on. And the impulse to seize the day on weekends often leads to ambitious plans — two-hour road trip to the aquarium! Apple picking! A series of elaborate play dates! — that can make your day of rest even less restful.

So as spring announces itself more and more each weekend, I’m warming up to the idea of straight-kicking it at home. With a flat, grass backyard just a few weeks in my future (!), I’ve been daydreaming about backyard picnics just like this one: a cozy blanket, an abundance of pillows (Dash & Albert’s indoor-outdoor ones would be juuuust right), petite baguette sandwiches and my favorite L’Aventure rosé to enjoy while the kids tucker themselves out in the sunshine. No wrestling wriggly babies into carseats; no packing diaper bags with enough provisions for an Arctic trek; and no one prematurely falling asleep in the car on the way home. You already are home, and it’s awesome.

Thursday Links 4.10.14

10 Apr
From a classic San Francisco landmark to…this. Somebody hold me.

From classic San Francisco landmark to…this. Somebody hold me.

  • The lovely old Huntington Hotel where my husband proposed has been transformed into a jewel-toned nightmare called The Scarlet Huntington. A tiny piece of my soul just died. (Curbed SF)
  • Labeling Prince George a “bruiser” after his play date in New Zealand is, uh, attributing a lot of intent to the actions of an eight month-old. (LaineyGossip)
  • I sure do hope that transitioning to mainstream network television doesn’t ruin the offbeat charm of Stephen Colbert. I have an icky feeling about this… (Entertainment Weekly)
  • Oh wait, the backlash is already happening: thanks, Internet! Conservative blogger Ben Shapiro is comparing Colbert’s farcical right-wing persona to performing in blackface, demonstrating both that he doesn’t understand racism and can’t take a joke. (Salon)
  • Selecting bedside sconces for the new house and have a major crush on the Barbara Barry “Graceful Ribbon Sconce.” What’s that you hear? Oh, just the sound of my husband’s head exploding. (Circa Lighting)
  • Monogrammed Easter totes? Don’t mind if I do! Get on it and place your order so they’ll arrive by Easter, y’all. (Lands’ End)
  • Only Lena Dunham could figure out a way to make her kid sister’s coming out story all about her. I wish there was a remote island we could send her to forever with Anne Hathaway, Kim Kardashian, and everyone else who is just the WORST. (People)
  • You all know I’m a fool for Off the Grid (aka the yuppie food court), so count me among the many celebrating the return of Off the Grid Twilight this evening in the Presidio. (Inside Scoop SF @ SFGate)
  • A genius compilation of the 25 best insults from the best comedy on television you’re not watching. (Rolling Stone)

How To DIY Stage Like a Boss

8 Apr


When we decided to sell our house, we knew some level of staging would be involved. No one wants to buy a house crammed full of kid stuff and ski gear, and today’s buyers have become accustomed to certain level of polish. (Like I’ve said before, expectations have changed.)

But honestly, we thought our apartment already looked pretty great, so spending upwards of $10,000 on staging seemed nuts. After receiving several outrageous staging bids for just ONE of our children’s bedrooms, we opted to go the DIY route. There were times I questioned the decision — looking at professional photographs of other listings in our market wigged me out — but now that we’re on the other end of a successful sale, I know we made the right call. You, too, can stage your home like a boss. Here’s how:

1. Begin With a Great Canvas. All the potted orchids and mirrors in the universe can’t save an ugly house, so I’m fortunate I had a terrific-looking home to begin with. I’m no design wizard, but I’m lucky to that my dear friends, general contractor Michael Jensen and interior designer Lindsay Brier, are. We couldn’t have asked for more committed, hard-working or talented people to handle the remodel and design of our home.

2. Decluttering is Half the Battle. Schedule two moving truck visits — one when you stage and a second when you actually move out. It can be hard for buyers to see the potential in your space when it’s chock full of your junk. Also (and let’s be real here), everyone has at least some stuff in their homes that’s a little weird, so Priss & Vinegar suggests packing up those pieces, too. (This is the excuse you’ve been waiting for to tell your husband his collection of Giants’ “Opening Day” pint glasses is NOT decor.)

3. Remove What’s Personal But Keep the Personality. I like to see that a house has a little soul, so I don’t totally agree with the staging rule that all personal items must go. I left up a few tastefully-framed family photographs (as my realtor, Amanda, says, everyone likes cute babies) and my monogrammed items stayed put.

4. Stop Being a Snob About Mass-Market Decor. As I hinted in a recent post about some mass-market gems I’d sourced, a lot of my staging materials came from regular old chain stores. The Ikea “Songe” Mirror and Target Threshold Silver Beaded Wall Mirror added extra brightness, and I found some awesome baskets for my pantry at hit-or-miss Home Goods. I also spotted dirt cheap natural fiber rugs at Pier One and some handsome Restoration Hardware knock-off chairs at World Market.

5. Green Begets Green. Plants are EVERYTHING when making a house feel appealing, so go deep on verdant accents like potted plants, fresh-cut flowers, and preserved boxwoods.

6. Take Design Cues From Instagram and Pinterest. The people of social media have spoken, and they love styled bars, white kitchen counters with stainless steel appliances, chalkboard walls, and garden stools. I remained mindful of this when making design choices during our remodel, shopping for furnishings, and ultimately when staging the flat.

7. Splurge on Luxe Details. Your home should feel luxurious (expensive?) and details can make all the difference. I topped beds with Serena & Lily bedding, stocked the bathrooms with elegant toiletries from Marvis and Molton Brown, and filled the house with my favorite Diptyque candles. Added bonus: once you sell the place, you can enjoy all this gorgeous stuff yourself!


{The Fusco Farewell Tour} Swan Oyster Depot

7 Apr
It doesn't get much more San Francisco than this.

It doesn’t get much more San Francisco than this.

First things first: we kicked off The Fusco Farewell Tour with a visit to Swan Oyster Depot. I mean, *of course* Swan. The line is unapologetically long, the servers are gruff San Francisco originals, they don’t have menus or take credit cards (these guys would rather die than use an iPad as a register) and outsiders are regarded with derision. The interior is all worn white tile, vintage Niners memorabilia and butcher block countertops you *know* could tell some stories. When I go to Swan, I feel like I’m visiting the San Francisco of my parents’ youth, before Loma Prieta and $4 toast and Google Buses.

Oh yeah, and the seafood is PRISTINE. The fresh oysters, chowder, cracked crab and shrimp louis salad are all classic renditions, though my favorites are the smoked salmon and Italian-style sashimi (beautifully sliced fish topped with olive oil, lemon juice and capers). Coming here without drinking a draft Anchor Steam would feel wrong no matter what the time of day.

Simply put, this place is legendary. Go there when you have the patience for the line, a hankering for fish and the desire to to visit San Francisco like she used to be.


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