We’ve been at this parenting thing for a month now, and thus far it has been equal parts heartwarming and hilarious with a side of exasperation. Caring for a newborn is a crash course in the limits of one’s patience, sleep requirements and general standards of hygiene. The learning curve is unrelentingly steep, and the Hus-b and I are doing the best we can to keep up while still showering regularly and occasionally leaving the house. For better or for worse, these are our observations so far:
- Disposable nursing pads make excellent beverage coasters.
- Baby yawns are seriously adorable.
- In two visits in to the pediatrician, the only ones who have gotten shots or cried have been me and the Hus-b.
- Despite decades of doing your own hair with reasonable proficiency, styling baby hair is really, really hard. Seriously, the Little Lady’s coif alternately looks like Eddie Munster’s or Donald Trump’s. Viva la baby hat!
- Snuggling with a sleeping baby is downright dreamy.
- The sound of your own child crying is excruciating to hear (and if you’re nursing, also causes you to break out into a sweat. Awesome.)
- A burp cloth with spit-up on it that has dried is essentially clean.
- The virtues of Amazon Prime, the iPad, food delivery services and a really good nursing tank cannot be overstated.
- Pregnancy weight can’t come off fast enough, mostly because your body sans baby looks like a plus-size blow up doll with a teeny-tiny puncture in it.
- Baby farts are really, really funny.
- Baby burps will become celebration-worthy events.
- Your husband will be supremely disappointed that his gastrointestinal fireworks are not met with similar levels of humor and appreciation.
- There will be days that your baby nurses so often you will wonder why you bothered to wear a shirt.
- Based on your child’s ability to focus on a bright light for a millisecond and ever so slightly lift her head, you will promptly deem her a genius who is soooo advanced for her age.
Absurdity and exhaustion notwithstanding, parenting our special Little Lady is a sincere privilege. We just can’t wait to see what she does next (that is, once she’s done throwing up on us)…