Let me preface this by saying that I am a very, very lucky girl. My husband is wonderful for a million reasons, not the least of which being that he helps out around the house without being asked and shows a sincere interest in how our home is decorated. He is still, however, a man, so his execution of certain household tasks makes me wonder sometimes if I accidentally married Cliff Huxtable from “The Cosby Show”.
“I’m going to clean the shower” he announced resolutely on Thursday. Three minutes into cleaning: “You know, this grout is pretty gross. I think I’m just going to re-caulk the whole thing.” Four and a half minutes into cleaning: “These doors are really dirty. I think I need to take them out to clean them properly.” Seven minutes into cleaning: “I need bleach, a screwdriver and a #10 blade.” Ten minutes (and a several crashes later), I heard the words that Clair Huxtable feared most: “Honey, I’m going to Home Depot.”
45 minutes and I-don’t-even-want-to-know-how-many dollars later, the hus-b returns with a caulking gun (of course), some decidedly un-green cleaning solvents (which I suspect contain napalm), multiple grout brushes and a box of rubber gloves (huh?). “Cleaning the shower” has now become ripping out the doors and track, a complete re-caulking, and waging nuclear bathtub war.
Three days of using the guest bathroom and one nasty chemical cleaning solvent headache later, I am summoned to survey his handiwork. It does look better, a lot better, perhaps a little too good considering that we are currently having plans drawn up to remodel this very bathroom. Indeed, my darling husband just dedicated countless man hours to a bathroom that is going to be ripped out in its entirety in just a few months.
And so began our journey through the wasteland of home decor that is shower curtains to equip our suddenly (and temporarily) door-less shower. I have to give it to Etsy: never have so many adorable and downright insane products coexisted in a single place. Black and white toile or knife-wielding psycho? Don’t even get me started on the more, ahem, colorful Etsy selections. Lilly Pulitzer, while very cute, would likely be considered an act of war by the hus-b. Perhaps something in “Butter” from Restoration Hardware to match our bath towels? I adore this monogrammed pique number, but attempting to integrate yet another monogrammed item into our home might make the hus-b lose. His. Mind.
It’s times like these that make me wonder: What Would Martha Do?