Well, hey. It’s been a while. For a time that was because I didn’t have anything especially nice to say. The alternating months of loss and disappointment as we struggled to grow our family just wrecked me. Some days I felt hopeful, but mostly, I was pretty sad. On the worst days, I wished we could go back to that decision point and say, no, we’re good. Family of four works for us. Because I was so happy before! Was this pain was the cost of my greed? Did I deserve this for not properly appreciating the easy pregnancies and perfect children I’d already had? These were not pleasant thoughts. You didn’t come here for this.
And yet here I sit, with a newborn babe in my arms, one of the lucky ones, and talking with you all feels right. There’s a lot to say: about our journey now that we’re on the other side, about being old lady pregnant (it’s different), about my husband’s legit fear he will perish in an avalanche of fancy throw pillows, about powerful men who somehow graduated kindergarten without learning to keep their hands to themselves, and a million other things I’ve thought about over the past year. Thank you for reading and extra-special thanks to those of you who encouraged me to start writing again. You’re the most devoted readers a sporadic blogger could ever have. ❤️