With a red carpet awash in pastel princess bride dresses (YAWN), it wasn’t a stellar night for fashion. Our favorite frocks were bright, modern and offered some sophisticated sparkle. (Please GOD don’t say “bling.”) Kerry Washington was magnificent in a coral Miu Miu gown that ever so slightly referenced early-1960’s fashion with a prim bow at the waist. Naomi Watts made yet another fabulous choice with her gunmetal sequined Armani sheath and PERFECT hair and makeup, capping off an entire awards season’s-worth of impeccable styling. (We are still crushing HARD on that black, cap-sleeved, lace Valentino she wore to the Oscar Nominees Luncheon.)
RIP E! News mani-cam. You were so aware of your utter absurdity that you committed suicide mid-broadcast, if only for the thrill of ruffling little Ryan Seacrest’s feathers. (Those were feathers and not hair, right?)
Anne Hathaway won; was predictably annoying; nipples joined Twitter.
Surprising everyone, Annie was not the worst thing about last night’s show; Seth MacFarlane was. From the “We Saw Your Boobs” opener to the thinly-veiled bulimia joke to kidding that Jennifer Aniston was a former exotic dancer and that nine year-old Quvenzhané Wallis would eventually date George Clooney, we found his misogynistic display pretty disgusting. If MacFarlane was trying to be the anti-Tina-and-Amy, ummm, nailed it?
Uber-public celebrity pregnancies? Consider us over it. Channing Tatum’s belly bump cupping and Justin Theroux’s attention-whoring “is-she-or-isn’t-she” hand placement have no place on an Oscar red carpet. It’s enough to make us long for the days when famous women hid their pregnancies behind giant handbags.
Another addition to our “over it” list? Old Hollywood glamour. It’s so much more interesting to look like a 21st century movie star than a Veronica Lake impersonator.
George Clooney and the rest of the Hollywood cool kids rallied around Ben Affleck following his Best Director snub, bringing home a Best Picture win for “Argo.” Consider us amongst those who were cheering for Affleck’s third directorial effort, which perfectly toed the line between entertaining and substantial. So often the Academy only rewards films that feel “important” (read: snoooooooooore) and neglects that movies are also supposed to be fun to watch. “Argo” as well as “Gone Baby Gone” and “The Town” show that Affleck gets this.
With a few “aw shucks” jokes in the press room and a well-timed tumble on her bedspread dress, Jennifer Lawrence won best actress *and* charmed the pants off the entire universe. Her best move now? Disappear. Not a Natalie Portman-style run-off-and-procreate-with-a-French-ballerina disappearance but just a little breathing room for the public to not tire of her, lest she fall victim to that nasty backlash that always seems to follow meteoric rises. We hear Jennifer Aniston knows of a good resort in Cabo…