Dear Cold & Flu Season,
The seersucker and swimsuits had barely been retired for the summer before you seized upon my home. (RUDE.) But four weeks, three doctor visits, two projectile vomits and many tissues later, my family has come to a singular conclusion: we’re better than you, germs. Here’s why:
- I Married THAT Guy. No, not THAT one. The one who actually knows his children’s routines, has diaper changes dialed and doesn’t call his mommy every time he’s responsible for his own children for more than 45 minutes. You know: an actual grown-up, co-parenting, capable man. They DO exist.
- Superior Freezer Performance. When you’re such a hot mess that you can barely get upright, let alone make dinner, a properly provisioned freezer can still help you feed your family like a boss. All of those gigantic batches of soup, meatballs, pizza sauce, and homemade macaroni & cheese I’d dutifully frozen in the preceding months rescued us from a life of starvation and crappy takeout.
- Sizzurp: Not Awesome. Bronchitis means you get cough syrup with codeine, which as it turns out is Justin Bieber’s favorite mixer. And he’s insane because that stuff tastes like sugary death and my husband had to talk me into taking it like I was a petulant, medicine-dodging toddler. After one hideous dose, I decided coughing was better than drugs.
- Call in the Cavalry! We live close to most of our extended family and would be totally screwed if that were not the case. Dear young marrieds considering starting a family: this really does make all the difference.
- One word: Electronics. Every family has to make its own decision about the boob tube. For what it’s worth, I’m not prissy about moderate television viewing or iPads and *praise jebus* for that because snuggling in front of a movie was about the only kind of parental interaction I was capable of for a solid week of infirmity.
- Because We Have No Choice. Parenthood is the ultimate suck-it-up moment for everyone. There are no real sick days, personal days or “vacations” from parenthood: it simply is, for every day for the rest of your life, in all of its messy, magnificent glory.