No pressure.
When my daughter began preschool last year, my greatest anxiety was not about her sobbing uncontrollably at drop-off. (We’ve been calling her “the mayor” since infancy for good reason.)
It was about her lunch.
I had a wicked case of school lunch performance anxiety, and when you consider what’s at stake when packing your kid’s lunch these days, it just might freak you out, too:
1. The Nut Thing. Severe nut allergies are not effing around, and the possibility that something nut-contaminated might sneak its way into your kid’s lunch and harm one of their sweet little friends is terrifying. Most schools err on the side of extreme caution banning all nuts, nut butters, and commercially prepared products processed in facilities where nuts are present. Sourcing a granola bar that wasn’t processed in such a facility was like discovering the Holy Grail. (Hats off, Cascadian Farm.)
2. SunBummer. For children attending nut-free schools, a PB&J must be a SunButter&J. I am sure nut butter-alternatives like SunButter are miracles for parents of severely allergic children, but the burnt peanut butter flavor makes my mouth sad.
3. The Bento Box Trend. Spend two minutes on Pinterest looking up “bento box kids’ lunches” and you will freak the heck out. Super-agro parents utilize traditional bento box principles to prepare school lunches: compartmentalized containers, a minimum of five colors of food, and precious little flowers and stars fashioned with specialized cookie cutters. The idea is is a good one: children are surely more likely to eat fun, beautiful lunches. But the message the bento box movement sends to parents is a little more insidious: if your kids aren’t eating their lunches, it’s your fault, LAZY.
4. Hyper-Eco-Friendly Packaging. Forget disposable lunchsacks and ziploc bags; everyone uses stainless steel Lunch Bots, Foogos and kiddie Kleen Kanteens. (You already contributed to landfill enough with your disposable baby diapers, breeders.) I felt like a downright criminal the one time I ran out of compostable brown paper snack bags and had to send my daughter’s organic whole wheat pretzel crisps in (gasp) a plastic bag.
5. The Pressure to Be Healthy. No one wants their kid to eat junk, but can we all agree that it’s insane to send a lunchbox full of organic kale chips, grilled seitan, and sprouted gluten-free bread?
6. The Treat Conundrum. Will my kid be bummed if she’s the only toddler at the lunch table without a treat in her lunchbox? We’re not weird about sugar — she’s had it, and plenty — but dessert in our house generally means fresh fruit rather than cookies. Conversely, if I do send that cookie, will it be whispered at pick-up that I’m a sugar-peddling monster?
7. Is She Even Going to Eat the Stupid Lunch? After all of the effort to source nut-free foods, appropriate reusable packaging, and healthy options that won’t suffer from sitting in a lunchbox for hours, will your little darling even eat his lunch? I had visions of my already-lanky toddler wasting away until a dear friend (who is also a first grade teacher) told me that kids rarely eat at school, and if 5 out of 21 meals in a week are less than successful, your kid is going to be juuuust fine.
AMEN!!! I can’t believe I haven’t written about the lunch-making myself. It’s such a huge pain the butt for all the reasons you’ve listed. And as a side-note, I was almost ready to shut down my computer and stop reading blogs, but you used the F-word in your title and I couldn’t resist:)
Ha! A curse word fits the bill every now and then, and does’t the chore of school lunch packing deserve one?
Hilarious! Glad to know what I have to look forward to! (Eye roll, will totally be me…)
Ha! It probably would have been more constructive had I listed healthy, nut-free, kid-friendly lunch ideas, but what’s the fun in that? 😉
Haha! My son went to a Mother’s Day Out program last year where I had to pack his lunch each day and I struggled through all of these. I was so thankful to put him back in daycare and not have to worry about packing his lunch anymore. My stepsons’ mom has just given up–canteloupe, chips and string cheese for a 9 year old and a pop tart, fruit snacks and goldfish for a 6 year old. Oh, and of course organic milk for both.
…because you know what goes best with organic milk? Pop tarts!
This is hilarious and oh-so-true. I asked my daughter what she wants me to pack for her snack tomorrow, and she requested cheesy bunnies, fruit leather and pita chips. Okay?!
Hahaha so true!!
Thanks for reading (and laughing)!
Great post.
I remember having similar fears when my son started school.
Fast forward a few years and this morning I rolled out of bed 3 minutes before we needed to leave for school.
I forgot to run the dishwasher last night so his reusable lunch containers were dirty. I packed my 10 year old a PB&J, banana, brownie, Doritos & carrots all in the embarrassing, earth killing plastic zip lock bags.
I used to use cookie cutters to make his sandwiches cute and I would always pack a note with stickers.
Now he is lucky if the sandwich isn’t made from the heals on the loaf of bread.
Thank you! I have actually thought about including a note, too…for my two year old…who CAN’T READ.