Because self-appointed parenting professionals Internet-wide feel entitled to regularly express their opinions about what a mom should be, today I’m giving it to you straight about what moms don’t need to be. So go right ahead and delete these bad boys from your to-do list ASAP:
You are not a human swiss army knife. I’ll admit, I do feel like a ninja when my kid asks for something random and BOOM, it appears from my purse like magic. But unless you’re going on a family camping trip, this level of organization is straight-up loco. Your precious snowflakes will survive without ponchos and power cords on a crosstown grocery trip.
You can be a primo mom even if you hate to cook. I’m sure this sounds like LIES coming from me, and there’s definitely a lot of pressure on moms these days to take pleasure in “nourishing” their families. But really, truly, you have to know that your kids give zero f**ks whether their dinner comes from Munchery or Martha Stewart.
Confession: I get bored playing with my kids sometimes. This isn’t totally surprising since I didn’t really like playing with kids even when I was one (pretty sure I was born demanding coffee and a newspaper) but it does present a certain parenting conundrum. Even though I’m not a playful mom, I can still have a rad time with my kids by sticking to my strengths: reading stories, doing art projects, planning out-of-the-house adventures, and hosting pretend parties.
I don’t want to hate on moms who look banging within weeks of giving birth — good for you, really — but it doesn’t happen for everyone. So don’t sweat it if you’re not that skinny-within-weeks-of-giving-birth mom making breakfast for your husband in a crop top. (And maybe just don’t do that anyway, because feminism.)
Look, it’s your call what role screens play in your home, but don’t get peer pressured into being a “No TV” Mom. Because most of those moms are lying liars. Also, the American Academy of Pediatrics says some TV some of the time is a-ok, and I’m totally listening to those guys instead of some imperious commenter on Babble.
“Enjoy this time!” is easily amongst the top five most annoying comments directed at parents of young children. Yes, babies are delicious and toddlers love their mommies so hard, but MAN is it draining. You are allowed to be tired and grumpy and hide in your laundry room listening to “Game of Thrones” podcasts. (Or maybe that’s just me?) Not being #365grateful is not the same as being ungrateful.